The Zen Of Motherhood

Opportunity Knocking

2012-02-04T05:30:00.001-06:00

In California, a woman (Heather Peters) sued Honda in small claims court for misrepresentation of the fuel economy of the Honda Civic hybrid. Rather than the advertised 50 m.p.g., Peter's Civic got only 30. She won almost $10,000.

So . . .

I plan to sue:

Special K cereal - for being utterly ordinary
Fox News - for failure to be fair, balanced, or news
The Phillips Colon Lady - for getting on my good nerve (intentional infliction of emotional distress)

Who else should we sue?

Robin Of The Hood

2012-02-02T05:30:00.001-06:00

This or That Thursday

Odd Couple

2012-02-01T05:30:00.000-06:00

This is a waaaay long shot taken in a 25 mile per hour wind (note to self: bulk up those arms, woman!). I was just giving my best effort to focusing anywhere in the general vicinity of the hawk and clicking like crazy. I didn't even see his little buddy until I pulled the pictures off the camera.

Wild Bird Wednesday

Gone To Seed

2012-01-31T05:30:00.001-06:00

Our World Tuesday

Face Time

2012-01-30T05:30:00.001-06:00

Have you heard about Face Time? Apparently, it's an app that allows you to make video calls from your iPhone (or iPad or whatever i-type device you've got). It's been out for a while, but I wouldn't have known (or cared) a thing about it if I hadn't hear about it in whispered bedtime conversation.

"Mom says I have to go. Um, call me back at 11:35."

Oh, no. Hell, no. I'm pretty lax in the discipline department, but I do have a couple of rules, and a big one is "thou shalt not sneak." Mama sees all.

But, I played it cool, and didn't make a big deal of it. Actually, I didn't even mention it all. When I tucked her in, I simply told her that I trusted her and that it would be a very bad thing to ever lose my trust. It was a beautiful parenting moment.

Then, I went to bed and slept with a ringing iPad under my pillow. I guess you can call that app Pillow Time.

Rug Rat

2012-01-29T05:30:00.001-06:00

When Baby Puppy was tiny, she didn't have much going on in the hair department.

She would not tolerate a bow in her hair (I tried everything short of super glue to keep one on her head) and unless she was dressed in head to toe pink frills, she was often mistaken for a little boy when we were out and about. Yes, it got on my new mommy nerve, but I never once considered putting her in one of these . . .

It's a baby toupee. Because, obviously, creepy and itchy is preferable to bald, right? Ugh! Poor little rug rat!

Review: Five Skills Between Confusion and AHA!

2012-01-28T05:30:00.000-06:00

As the parent of an elementary school age child, I've read quite a few books about how to help kids learn. Rarely, however, have I found a book as immediately useful as Guinevere Durham's Five Skills Between Confusion and AHA! (Outskirts Press, 2011)

Five Skills Between Confusion and AHA! focuses on the five competencies (logic, critical thinking, problem solving, investigating, and experimenting) and provides concrete examples of how to foster the development of these competencies. The five skills are also examined in the context of different learning styles. It all sounds very complex, but Durham does an outstanding job of breaking down the information and making it accessible to a lay reader.

The day I started reading Five Skills Between Confusion and AHA! I used some of Durham's tips to help me explain summarizing to my daughter. The tips helped tremendously. I can't think of a better recommendation. Five Skills Between Confusion and AHA! is a great resource.

I received a complimentary copy of Five Skills Between Confusion and AHA! to facilitate my review. No other compensation was received. For full disclosure, see the sidebar.

Out Of The Bed And Out Of The Blue

2012-01-26T05:30:00.001-06:00

"Mom, is the meaning of life two parallel lines going up and up and up forever without ever touching?"

"Mom, if two parallel lines touch will the universe end?"

"Mom, what will happen if we put a gopher in the microwave?"

All of that before my first cup of coffee? Not cool, kid. Not cool.

Wait . . . Wait . . .

2012-01-25T05:30:00.003-06:00

I'm almost . . .

focused. Damn. The elusive cardinal strikes again.

Wild Bird Wednesday

Here, There Be Tigers

2012-01-24T05:30:00.000-06:00

Rawr!

Our World Tuesday

Still Cherishing

2012-01-23T05:30:00.001-06:00

I wrote this nearly four years ago. I decided to re-post it after reading this in the Huffington Post. I guess some things never change.

We act as if it's in the official mom job description. "Wake up every morning totally blissed out and grateful to be THE MOM." "Cherish each and every moment." "EACH AND EVERY MOMENT!" Are you cherishing? Are you? You better be!

"It goes so fast . . ."
Soft focus / warm and fuzzy . . .

Who needs that kind of pressure? Not me. And, definitely, not my daughter.

Motherhood is not one long montage of precious moments. There are days when my gratitude for my daughter gets buried beneath huge piles of exasperation, irritation, and 14 loads of laundry. I admit that I have days when I forget that I'm supposed to be "cherishing." But, even on the very worse days, deep down, I'm always grateful for my child because . . .

She's real life. Right in front of me.
She's real love. The kind you're willing to die for.
She's the best part of me. Mine, and, yet, her own.
My heart.

Dem Bones

2012-01-22T05:30:00.001-06:00

Shadow Shot Sunday

Daphne has a new column out. Have a look!

After 25 Years Of Waiting . . .

2012-01-21T05:30:00.001-06:00

Meh.

Blog Therapy

2012-01-20T05:30:00.001-06:00

Lately, I've had a crazy desire to get a puppy. And, I keep dreaming that I'm either pregnant or have just had a baby.

What the hell, blog therapists? What the hell?

Health Questionaire

2012-01-19T05:30:00.001-06:00

Q: How often do you exercise?

A: Daily.

Q: What forms of exercise do you engage in?

A: Exercises in futility.

Hey, they asked!

At The Drive-In

2012-01-18T05:30:00.000-06:00

Here, we have a hasty iPhone shot of the infamous Sonic Bird. Once a delicate contributor to the grand symphony of nature, this bird has turned predatory in the face of civilization's encroachment. Guard your tater tots.

Having some fun with Wild Bird Wednesday

Morning Moon

2012-01-17T05:30:00.001-06:00

Our World Tuesday

Camouflage

2012-01-16T05:30:00.000-06:00

Macro Monday

Not A Review

2012-01-14T05:30:00.000-06:00

Just a rant.

Are you familiar with these?

It's a 200 page graphic novel about, well, Pokémon adventures. As far as I can tell, about a zillion have been published. My eight-year-old daughter devours them. Unfortunately, she is not allowed to read them during her independent reading time at school. They are not "true literature."

Excuse me?

As a nation, our education system is struggling. As a state, we are cutting school budgets like crazy. As a parent, I am bombarded with information from all sides that reading. is. fundamental. So, if I drag my sorry self all the way across town to the library to check out the Pokémon books ("high interest reading material," in professional jargon) that my child will (without me nagging!) bury her nose in for hours at a time, damn it, it's true enough literature for third grade.

Look, I'm not trying to pass these books off as War and Peace. And, I'm not even arguing that she should be able to use them for her monthly book assignments (those are assigned topics anyway). But, for her independent free choice reading? Lighten, up teacher! At least, she is reading.

Review: The Keeper

2012-01-13T05:30:00.001-06:00

At twenty-one years old, Julia Lapp has her life all planned out. She will marry Paul, her childhood sweetheart, and live happily ever after. But when her becomes ill and Paul inexplicably postpones the wedding (again!), Julia is forced to face a future far different from anything that she has ever dreamed.

I refuse to call Suzanne Woods Fisher's The Keeper (Revell, 2012) an Amish book. It's a heartwarming, funny contemporary romance with a fantastic cast of characters who just happen to be Amish. And, it's a delightful read that I hated to see come to an end. If you love a sweet romance, The Keeper is definitely for you.

It’s a “Honey of a Giveaway” from Suzanne Woods Fisher!

Suzanne is hosting a "honey of a giveaway"during the blog tour for The Keeper! During 1/3-1/17 you can enter to win an iPad2 from Suzanne and connect with her on January 17th at The Keeper Facebook Party!

During the giveaway one Grand Prize winner will receive a Prize Pack valued at $600:

A brand new 16 KB iPad 2 with Wi-Fi
A $25 gift certificate to iTunes
A copy of The Keeper

But wait there's more! Just click one of the icons below to enter, then on 1/17 join Suzanne for The Keeper Facebook Party! During the party Suzanne will announce the winner of the "Honey" of an iPad Giveaway and host a fun book chat and give away some fun "honey" inspired prizes - It'll be 'sweet"!

RSVP early and tell your friends!

Don't miss a moment of the fun. RSVP today and tell your friends via FACEBOOK or TWITTER and increase your chances of winning. Hope to see you on the 17th!

I also a have a copy of The Keeper to giveaway. Just leave me a comment if you'd like to win (and, please leave a way to contact you!). I'll pick a winner on Monday. U.S. addresses only, please.

Pat was the winner!

I received a complimentary copy of The Keeper to facilitate my review. No other compensation was received. For full disclosure, see the sidebar.

Ask A Stupid Question . . .

2012-01-12T05:30:00.000-06:00

Me: "You know how much I love you, don't you?"

Baby Puppy: "Duh!"

Better than "what-evah," I suppose.

Closer . . . Closer . . .

2012-01-11T05:30:00.001-06:00

That's too damn close!

Wild Bird Wednesday

Perspective

2012-01-10T05:30:00.000-06:00

Our World Tuesday

If I Was The Thieving Kind

2012-01-09T05:30:00.000-06:00

I'd steal this sign . . .

and hang it in my kitchen!

BWAH HA HA HA!

Have a great week!

You Got Me Ringing . . .

2012-01-07T05:30:00.000-06:00

The Weekend in Black and White

Reunited

2012-01-06T05:30:00.000-06:00

When I heard the news, I knew I had to see you. Look, there's a lot of time and trouble between us: the women, the booze, the cocaine. We took each other for granted for a lot of years. But, it's not too late, baby. If Van Halen can get back together, hell, anybody can!

Fiction in 55 for my G-Man!

Have a great weekend!

RE: Christmas Lights

2012-01-05T05:30:00.002-06:00

Dear Homeowner's Association:

Thank you so much for taking the time to send me a reminder notice about taking down my outdoor Christmas lights. I am impressed with your thoughtfulness, thoroughness, and attention to other people's details. After all, we wouldn't want an inflatable snowman bringing down our property values!

However, I am afraid that you have made an error in my case. My 2011 Christmas lights were removed promptly at 12:01 a.m. on December 26th as per homeowner's regulation 42-10. The lights that currently adorn my house look identical, but are actually my new, state of the art, imported from an obscure third world country, NASA sanctioned, pre-assembled, structurally compatible lights. Aren't they fabulous? I couldn't wait to see them so I put them up very, very, very early.

And, there ain't nothing in your regulations about early!

Merry Christmas!

Mama Zen

I was interviewed over at Real Toads today. Mary did a fantastic job of keeping me from sounding like a complete moron. Check it out!

Roll Up Those Sleeves!

2012-01-04T05:30:00.001-06:00

January is National Blood Donor Month. According to a FEMA spokesman, "Every two seconds someone in America needs blood, and approximately 40,000 units of red blood are needed every day." That's a lot of blood.

Please, donate if you can. And, if you are a donor, thank you . . . from a recipient.

Campfire Stories

2012-01-03T05:30:00.000-06:00

Our World Tuesday

First Critter On The Calendar

2012-01-01T05:30:00.000-06:00

Happy New Year!

Camera Critters

Happy New Year!

2011-12-31T05:30:00.003-06:00

Be safe out there tonight!

Raised By Wolves?

2011-12-30T05:30:00.001-06:00

Why, yes, actually . . .

Have a great weekend!

How Kids Learn Patience

2011-12-27T05:30:00.000-06:00

And, some nifty new swear words. . .

Hope you had a wonderful holiday!

Twas The Night . . .

2011-12-24T05:30:00.000-06:00

Ye Olde Annual Christmas Eve Post

Twas the night before Christmas, when all through the house

only Mama was stirring. Daddy, the louse,

had left her to fill all the stockings with care,

and curse and assemble while he slept, unaware.

The children had finally been forced to their beds

by threats of “no Santa” hanging over their heads.

But Mama had baking and presents to wrap,

so she took a deep breath and poured a nightcap.

When out on the lawn there arose such a clatter,

Mama thought of the neighborhood teens, little bastards,

who last night had rearranged all of her reindeer

to create vulgar scenes with the sheep from the manger.

But the moon on the breast of the new-fallen snow

gave Mama a glimpse of a far different show;

for what to her poor sleepy eyes should appear

but a miniature sleigh and eight tiny reindeer,

with a little old driver, so lively and quick,

Mama said to herself, “This must be a trick!”

For the voice that she heard calling each reindeer’s name

and her own nagging voice sounded so much the same!

“Now, Dasher! Now, Dancer! What did I say?

On, Comet! On, Cupid! Or, no one gets hay!

To the top of the porch, I’m counting to three,

Now dash away, dash away, listen to me!”

Like children that threatened with vegetables fly,

with uncanny speed from a motherly eye,

up to the housetop the reindeer they flew,

with a sleigh full of toys – and St. Nicholas, too.

And then, in a twinkling, Mama heard on the roof

the prancing and pawing of each little hoof.

Mama turned toward the fireplace and what did she see?

There stood St. Nicki. “Hey, she looks just like me!”

She was dressed all in fur from her head to her foot,

and her clothes were all tarnished with ashes and soot.

A bundle of toys she had flung on her back.,

and she looked like she also had spare clothes and snacks.

Her eyes, tired and bloodshot! Her hands, rough and worn!

Her cheeks, red and wind burned. Her jacket was torn.

But St. Nicki was smiling in spite of her state.

She had twenty-four hours, and she’s never been late.

She helped herself to some coffee and a cookie or two.

Took a quick look around – so much to do!

She finished the baking and even cleaned up,

wrapped all the presents and assembled the stuff.

Mama just watched the whole scene unfold

and laughed to herself at the lies she’d been told.

St. Nick is St. Nicki!

We’ve all got it wrong!

Around the world in a day?

Of course Santa’s a Mom!

Then, with one last look at the holiday scene

St. Nicki returned to her eight reindeer team.

But Mama heard her exclaim as she drove out of sight,

“Merry Christmas to Moms, and to Moms a good night!”

Merry Christmas!

Dear Santa

2011-12-21T05:30:00.001-06:00

An excerpt from Baby Puppy's letter:

. . . and I want the Mew to have a voice box that makes it say "mew . . ."

Love,

Baby Puppy

An excerpt from my letter:

. . . and, Santa, if you can figure out what the hell a Mew with a voice box is, there is a lot more than cookies and milk in it for you.

Love,

Mama Zen

Hope There's Not A Fire

2011-12-20T05:30:00.001-06:00

Our World Tuesday

Review: The Loom

2011-12-17T05:30:00.000-06:00

More than anything, Lydia dreams of escaping slavery being free. Light skinned and auburn haired, Lydia can pass for white. All she has to do is get the right clothes . . . and give up all that she is and all that she loves.

Shella Gillus's The Loom (Guideposts, 2011) is an incredible read. The writing is almost poetic, and the lives of the slaves in the "loom room" are portrayed vividly enough to break your heart. Suspenseful and romantic, The Loom is definitely worth your time.

Highly recommended.

I received a complimentary copy of The Loom to facilitate my review. No other compensation was received. For full disclosure, see the sidebar.

Partial Eclipse

2011-12-16T05:30:00.001-06:00

Skywatch Friday

They Need A Little Christmas

2011-12-14T05:30:00.000-06:00

The column appears in my local paper every December. These aren't letters to Santa. These are letters to the rest of us.

Seven year old boy wants Pokemon cards and Ben 10 action figures.

Twelve year old girl wants Justin Bieber CD and lip gloss.

Six year old girl wants winter coat size 6x and socks.

What? That last one stopped me cold.

Six year old girls do not want winter coats for Christmas. They want glittery princess unicorns. They do not want socks. They wants dolls that pee and poop and say "mama." I've been a six year old girl, and I know.

Look, I understand that some well-meaning adult probably filled filled out a form for that little girl. And, damn it all, she probably does need a coat. But, it just broke my heart.

It's bad enough that children are growing up poor. They shouldn't have to dream poor, too.

If you can, please participate in your area's toy drive or donation program. Now, will one of you help me down from this soapbox?

Christmas

2011-12-12T06:26:00.000-06:00

I've told this story before, but some stories are worth telling more than once.

When I was in graduate school, I worked with profoundly mentally retarded adults. One of my clients, Joan, was a very loving, affectionate woman of 53. Cognitively, she was roughly two and a half years old.

There were a lot of rumors about Joan's childhood; stories of being locked away in closets and basements. I don't know how many of the rumors were true (I suspect more than a few). I did know one thing for certain: Joan had not been outside of the institution she lived in for over 30 years. It was my job to change that.

It wouldn't be easy. Joan was terrified to leave the safety of the facility. First we walked near the front door. Then, we touched it. We opened it a crack. We stuck our head out. We stepped outside.

After months of work and a few small outings, I decided to go for something big. It was Christmas, after all. Our small town had a rather elaborate display of Christmas lights, complete with a real live Santa Claus. Had Joan ever had a chance to meet Santa Claus? I had no idea.

As we drove through the light display, Joan was ecstatic. She gestured and jabbered, clapped and "sang" with the Christmas carols on the radio. Then, the big moment: Santa. Joan was awestruck. She touched his red suit, stroked his beard (God Bless that patient man in the Santa suit!). I was nearly in tears. At 53, Joan was enjoying a typical Christmas tradition that most of us take for granted. I view that as a miracle.

Review: The Literary Ladies' Guide To The Writing Life

2011-12-11T05:30:00.000-06:00

Did Louisa May Alcott concern herself with money? What was the creative process like for Virginia Woolf? How in the world did Harriet Beecher Stowe (mother of seven) find time to write at all? If these are questions that intrigue you, you definitely want to check out Nava Atlas' The Literary Ladies Guide to the Writing Life (Sellers Publishing Inc., 2011).

In Literary Ladies, Atlas explores the personal musings (letters, journals, published interviews, etc.) of twelve iconic female authors on such topics as the inner critic, developing a "voice," and the reality of repeated rejection. The information is fascinating (for example, Louisa wrote Little Women in two and a half months and thought it was "dull"). And, the 100+ vintage photographs are stunning.

The Literary Ladies' Guide to the Writing Life would make an excellent gift for the writer on your list.

I received a complimentary copy of The Literary Ladies' Guide to the Writing Life to facilitate my review. No other compensation was received. For full disclosure, see the sidebar.

Polly Wants A . . .

2011-12-10T05:30:00.002-06:00

Finger! And, your jewelry. And, a lock or two or your hair. Why so angry, pretty bird? Why so angry?

Camera Critters

Just Do It?

2011-12-09T05:30:00.001-06:00

So . . . what does that look like to you?

Sample Entries

2011-12-08T05:30:00.000-06:00

So, I was channel surfing, and I stumbled across a new show on TLC called Virgin Diaries. Naturally, I immediately began to compose imaginary entries.

Dear Diary,
Shower was particularly cold tonight.

Dear Diary,
Went to eye doctor today. Vision is 20/20. Apparently, masturbation won't really make you go blind.

Dear Diary,
Had a job interview with Herman Cain today . . .

Think I have a shot of getting on the show?

Ugh, I may never kiss again . . .

Every Cougar Knows . . .

2011-12-07T05:30:00.000-06:00

the importance of naps.

Review: Arrows Of Desire

2011-12-06T05:30:00.000-06:00

Toward the end of the 18th century, the Industrial Revolution brought tremendous changes to England. Traditional occupations were eliminated and thousands of working class families found themselves forced into poverty. At the same time, working and middle class Englishmen were beginning to clamor for reform of a Parliamentary system that left their interests unrepresented. Arrows of Desire is the story of one English family's work and life in the reform movement.

Sandra Adickes's Arrows of Desire is a fascinating work of historical fiction. Adickes's follows three generations of the Benton family through almost forty years of tumultuous English history. Though very heavy on historical detail, Arrows of Desire does not neglect its character; Joshua and Hannah Benton are particularly well-drawn. I enjoyed Arrows of Desire tremendously, and I recommend for those who enjoy the history of the period.

I received a complimentary copy of Arrows of Desire to facilitate my review. No other compensation was received. For full disclosure, see the sidebar.

A Sign From Above

2011-12-05T05:30:00.001-06:00

Re-posting this in answer to a question.

Before I became a stay-at-home mom, I was a teacher. Specifically, I was a special education teacher / counselor / Title I Coordinator / administrator. Don't laugh, it's true.

I was a rookie teacher when I accepted the job in one of the roughest schools in the inner-city. I had a tiny, overcrowded classroom, no supplies (not even books), and no existing special education program to work with. I had nothing. My job was to create a special education program out of thin air - fast. I loved the challenge, and I loved those beautiful kids.

There were a lot of things about the job that I didn't love, however. I didn't love the mountains of paperwork. Working with rape victims haunted me (two my last year). Watching one of my babies being cuffed and taken to jail was heartbreaking. I could have done without being physically assaulted by a parent during a parent / teacher conference; I was five months pregnant, at the time.

All of these thoughts were spinning in my head when I entered the principal's office to discuss renewing my contract. My head spinning almost became literal when I heard the terms of the contract:

no raises / wages frozen due to budget issues
workday hours increased by two and a half hours each day
mandatory work on Saturdays
benefits would remain at a stagnant state of shitty

I told him that I would think about it.

The truth of the matter was that I had been thinking about it for months. Keep working or stay home with the baby? I had already analyzed the decision to death, but now . . .

As I headed to the parking lot for my after school duty, my brain was picking apart the angles and crunching the numbers. As I stepped outside into the spring sunshine, I can remember thinking to myself, "What the hell? I deserve better than this! I feel like I've been . . ."

Shit on! Yes, at that very life changing moment, a bird flew over and shit on my head. I'm not making this up. It really happened, and I took it as a sign from above.

And, that's how I became a stay-at-home mom.

No Goose?

2011-12-04T05:30:00.000-06:00

Camera Critters

What Did You Call Me?

2011-12-02T05:30:00.001-06:00

Have a great weekend!

Running With The Pack

2011-12-01T05:30:00.001-06:00

at the cursed Wal-mart!

For The Record

2011-11-30T05:30:00.000-06:00

Just so you know, I have never been groped, sexually harassed, or involved in any kind of sexual contact with Herman Cain.

You can rest easy, America.

My Unique Personal Style

2011-11-29T05:30:00.002-06:00

At Thanksgiving, all the ladies in my family were gushing over the cuteness of my new Coach purse (it is cute). I was feeling all kinds of stylish until my sixteen-year-old niece blurted out:

"I can't believe you have a Coach purse! You just seem more like the duffel bag type."

Apparently, my personal style is best described as "haute hitchhiker."

Pine

2011-11-28T05:30:00.001-06:00

Macro Monday

Ah, The Good Old Days . . .

2011-11-27T05:30:00.000-06:00

I'm not Newt Gingrich, but he apparently approves this message.

Seriously?

2011-11-26T05:30:00.001-06:00

Haven't you people heard of Amazon?

Today's Deep Thought

2011-11-25T12:21:00.002-06:00

Feminism is a fine thing, but it should not apply to the hanging of outdoor Christmas lights.

That is all.

Turkey Day

2011-11-23T05:30:00.005-06:00

My Annual Pre-Thanksgiving Day Post

Well, here we go again! Before Halloween was even a distant memory lies and propaganda started filling my mailbox. Like a plague of perfection, the Thanksgiving magazines arrived.

“How To Prepare A Flawless Thanksgiving Dinner In Twenty Minutes Or Less!”

“Silence Your Mother-In-Law’s Criticisms Forever With Your Holiday Splendor!”

“Recipe For World-Peace-Bringing Pumpkin Pie!”

Bullshit, bullshit, and more bullshit!

Fellow mothers, it doesn’t have to be this way. This year, I’ve made it my mission to free you from turkey tyranny by giving you the cold, hard facts about this warmest of family celebrations. Trust me, you’ll thank me.

Let’s start with the morning. You have a plan of distraction for the kids, don’t you? Well, forget it. No one but you will be even slightly interested in watching the Thanksgiving Day Parade. No matter how many times you yell, “Look, Garfield, look an M&M,” your children will go right on screeching, pinching each other, and destroying your house while you’re trying to cook.

And, remember that “final” pushing, shoving trip to the grocery store? Turns out, “final” is a relative term. As in, you will realize that you forgot something and have to ask a relative to make a last minute run to the convenience store. It’s inevitable. Hint: it’s probably ice.

That big, hearty breakfast that no one would touch will cross your mind more than once when your children become crazed with hunger about an hour before the grand meal. The handful of crackers that you give them to tide them over will be just enough sustenance to insure that they won’t touch the “real” food and act like apes at the table.

The turkey will be undercooked. Or, dry. Or, unsightly. Or, whatever. Face it; the bird has its own hotline. Obviously, disasters happen.

Finally, the sumptuous holiday spread that you slaved over will be over before you even manage to sit down and get a forkful to your mouth. But, don’t worry; you’ll have plenty of time to linger . . . while you’re cleaning up!

So, now that you know the real deal, how do you deal?

A few tips:

When your husband (or anyone else, for that matter) wanders into the kitchen and halfheartedly asks if you need any help, surprise him by saying, “Why, yes, I do!” Ask him to peel potatoes or set the table. Better yet, put him in charge of the children – preferably, outside.

Many of us grew up exiled to the kiddie table during holiday dinners. Now, it’s your turn to banish the under eight set! Trust me; both kids and adults are happier with at least six feet of separation during the meal.

Give yourself a break. We’d all love to wow our respective clans with a Martha Stewart like performance, but how important is that, really? Thanksgiving is supposed to be about gratitude, not grandstanding! So, instead of stressing about your less than perfect culinary creations, slow down, relax, and take a moment to be grateful. After all, you’re with the people who love you, lumpy gravy and all!

Happy Thanksgiving!

Morning Coffee Buddy

2011-11-22T05:30:00.000-06:00

Our World Tuesday

Coolest Protest Sign Ever

2011-11-20T05:30:00.000-06:00

That pretty much sums up my way of thinking.

What say you?

Be There In A Minute

2011-11-19T05:30:00.001-06:00

or twelve . . .

Camera Critters

Can You Blame Him / Her?

2011-11-18T05:30:00.001-06:00

Baby Puppy's notes on her new lizard.

I'm pretty sure that I would try to escape, too!

Have a great weekend!

Review: NASCAR Unleashed

2011-11-17T05:30:00.000-06:00

Maybe you're one of those of people who thinks that the closing line of the Star Spangled Banner is "gentleman, start your engines." Or, maybe you just like your video gaming action packed and fast paced. Either way, the newly released NASCAR Unleashed is sure to please.

NASCAR Unleased is an arcade racing game that is easy to pick up and a blast to play. Featuring 15 licensed cars (Jeff and Dale Jr.!) and six licensed tracks (and beyond!), the game allows players to experience the thrills of drafting, sling-shotting, and bumping and grinding just like the pros. Play two players with a split screen, play for points to customize your car, or play dirty (like I do) to create rivals and do some damage. Any way you play it, NASCAR Unleashed is a good time.

NASCAR Unleashed is available for the Xbox 360, PlayStation 3, Wii (the platform I reviewed), and 3DS. The game is rated "E" for Everyone.

I received a complimentary copy of NASCAR Unleashed to facilitate my review. No other compensation was received. For full disclosure, see the sidebar.

From The Cheap Seats

2011-11-16T05:30:00.000-06:00

Dear NBA Players,

Perhaps you haven't heard, but there are thousands of people occupying the streets of our great country and protesting because they can't find a decent job. In light of these dire circumstances, it seems wholly appropriate that you quit whining, take your league minimum salary of $473, 604 a year (for rookies!), and go occupy some basketball courts.

Sincerely,

A Disgruntled Fan

Classic

2011-11-15T05:30:00.000-06:00

For Our World Tuesday

Flinch

2011-11-14T05:30:00.001-06:00

Baby Puppy and a ball python.

She didn't. Mama did.

Review: A Lasting Impression

2011-11-13T05:30:00.002-06:00

Though only nineteen, Claire Laurent is already an accomplished artist . . . and, accomplished art forger. When her family's art gallery is robbed and her father murdered, Claire finally has a chance to escape a life built entirely on fraud and make a fresh start. But, just when the life and love she dreams of seems to be within her grasp, the past returns to threaten everything she has struggled to create.

Warning: Tamera Alexander's A Lasting Impression (Bethany House, 2011) will cost you some sleep. Honestly, I couldn't put it down. Set in 1860s Tennessee, the story is rich in historical detail and charm. The love story (of course, there's a love story!) is incredibly well done and feels utterly authentic. And, Alexander does a fantastic job of maintaining an underlying tension in the storyline.

Like historical romance? A Lasting Impression is a must read.

Kindle Fire Giveaway and Facebook Party from Tamera Alexander!

Kindle Fire Giveaway and Facebook Party from Tamera Alexander!

While Tamera and her book, A Lasting Impression, are traveling across the country virtually
(with a few international stops as well!), she will be hosting a Kindle
Fire Giveaway (11/4 - 11/15) and preparing for a lavish Southern-Style Facebook Party (11/15) (dripping
with hospitality, of course). She will be giving away Southern Food
Baskets, books, and an array of other fabulous freebies! Don't miss a
minute of the fun. Swoon!

Read what the reviewers are saying here.

One grand prize winner will receive:

A Brand New Kindle Fire (shipped as soon as it releases)
A copy of A Lasting Impression and 3 other special books Tamera wants you to have (for Kindle)

Enter today by clicking one of the icons below. But hurry, the giveaway ends at noon on November 15th. Winner will be announced at A Lasting Impression Facebook Party on the 15th. Tamera will be wrapping up the A Lasting Impression celebration
with an author chat and giving away Southern Food Baskets (Loveless
Cafe Food Baskets, books, Amazon & Starbucks gift certificates, and
copies of Christy Jordan's Southern Plate cookbook), six gift certificates to Starbucks and Amazon.com, and copies of A Lasting Impression! So grab your copy of A Lasting Impression (it's
okay if you don't have one yet- you might win one!) and join Tamera on
the evening of November 15th for an author chat, a trivia contest (How
much do you know about the 1860's?) and lots of Southern-inspired
giveaways (complete listing here).

Don't miss a moment of the fun. RSVP today and tell your friends via FACEBOOK or TWITTER. Hope to see you on the 15th!

Three Things

2011-11-12T05:30:00.001-06:00

As I was painfully reminded recently, my birthday is rapidly approaching. Therefore, it is time for my annual birthday wishlist.

I can tell you that, when my birthday gets here, there are three things that I want. A yoga class, my horoscope done, and --- what's the third one there? Let's see. I can't. The third one, I can't. Sorry. Oops.

This would be so much funnier if Blogger would let me embed some video of Rick Perry's debate performance. Anybody else having trouble with Blogger and video?

Traumatized!

2011-11-11T05:30:00.002-06:00

The YMCA doesn't allow parents at poolside, so I have to sit in the waiting area while Baby Puppy takes her swimming lesson. I usually spend the time with my nose in a book. Every now and then, however, I find myself drawn into conversation.

For example, yesterday, a young man approached the group of mothers that I was sitting with. He was accompanied by an older gentleman, and it was apparent that he had some sort of developmental disability. He greeted each of us and asked our names. Then, he asked each of us our birthday. Judging from the reactions of some of the other mothers and the young man's companion, this was routine.

When he asked my birthday, I told him. After a moment or two of careful calculation, he responded, "You're forty." Then, his face lit up as if heaven had opened and revealed the super-secret meaning of life:

"YOU'RE MIDDLE-AGED!"

"Yes. Yes, I am," I manged to choke out through my laughter.

Then, I crawled under the bench that I was sitting on. Hell, I'm still there, now!

Beauty And The Beastly Joke

2011-11-10T05:30:00.001-06:00

If you look closely, you can see that this beautiful girl only has one front paw. She lost the other in a . . . wait for it . . . cat fight.

OUCH! Who threw that?

No Matter Where I Go . . .

2011-11-09T05:30:00.002-06:00

I'm surrounded by fucking jackasses . . .

How's your week going?

Review: Triple Shot

2011-11-08T05:30:00.000-06:00

Business is brisk at Maggy Thorsen's Wisconsin coffeehouse . . . until the stench of a decomposing corpse fills the air! Without even trying, Maggy finds herself drawn into a murder investigation, a reality tv show, and more Brookhills history than she ever imagined.

I always enjoy Sandra Balzo's Maggy Thorsen mysteries, and Triple Shot (scheduled for December release) did not disappoint. Balzo's quick, clever writing and cast of dysfunctional characters had me cracking up from page one. The mystery is very well done, and I was left guessing right up until the end. If you enjoy, a good whodunit with a lot of laughs, definitely check out Triple Shot.

I received a complimentary copy of Triple Shot to facilitate my review. No other compensation was received. For full disclosure, see the sidebar.

Oh, Don't Be Koi!

2011-11-07T05:30:00.000-06:00

Mellow Yellow Monday

Review: Horse Sayings

2011-11-06T05:30:00.000-06:00

Bradford G. Wheeler's Horse Sayings: Wit & Wisdom Straight from the Horse's Mouth (BookCollaborative.com) is a lovely art book celebrating the beauty, grace, and spirit of horses. The photography, illustrations, and paintings of more than sixty artists from around the world are paired with famous quotes on topics ranging from humor to training and handling of horses. Horse Sayings is a quick, enjoyable read and would make a nice gift book for any horse lover.

Here are a couple of my favorites:

by Patricia Elliott Seitz

by Marika Anderson

I received a complimentary copy of Horse Sayings to facilitate my review. No other compensation was received. For full disclosure, see the sidebar.

November?

2011-11-05T05:30:00.000-05:00

I hate November!

For Weekend Reflections

and Camera Critters

Crying It Out

2011-11-04T05:30:00.000-05:00

A new day is dawning. The sun is rising, the birds are singing, and I am waking with a pair of bony eight-year-old knees poking me in the middle of my back. Sigh . . .

It's all my fault, of course. In her preemie infant days, my daughter would not sleep unless she was in contact with my body. Convinced of the benefits of kangaroo care and on-demand breastfeeding, I didn't put up much of a fight. Frankly, I was too exhausted.

Now, eight years later, my little girl still finds her way into my bed from time to time. When branches are scratching her window, zombies are roaming her dreams, or the stresses of third grade are just a bit too much, she crawls under the covers with me and nestles against me close enough to feel the beat of my heart. Safe in my arms, she sleeps like the baby she will always be to me.

Admittedly, when I'm bleary eyed and achy, I wonder if I should have heeded all of the advice that I was given to just let her "cry it out." Then, I think about how hard and hurtful life can be. Over the years, my little girl will have more than enough opportunities to cry herself to sleep. I just can't regret not giving her any extra.

Review: Love On The Line

2011-11-03T05:30:00.000-05:00

When the telephone company sends out a new troubleman, switchboard operator Georgie Gail is less than thrilled. She doesn't need a man telling her how to do her job, even one as handsome as Luke Palmer. But, Luke is no ordinary troubleman; he's a Texas Ranger working undercover to infiltrate the most notorious gang of train robbers in Texas. When Luke's undercover work puts Georgie in danger, will the dedicated Ranger follow his badge or his heart?

Deeanne Gist's Love on the Line (Bethany House, 2011) is a stay-up-too-late, can't-put-it-down read. Gist delivers an excellent plot, marvelous setting, and the most swoon-worthy hero, I've happened across in quite a long time. If you enjoy well-done historical romance, you won't want to miss Love on the Line.

***

Deeanne is thrilled to introduce Georgie and Luke to the word in her latest novel, Love on the Line. To celebrate Deeanne's publisher, Bethany House, is hosting the Love on the Line iPad2 giveaway an Author Chat on Facebook! Enter today and follow the link below to RSVP for Deeanne's rip-roarin' Facebook Party!

One fortunate winner will receive:

A Brand New iPad2

An Autographed Hardback Copy of Love on the Line by Deeanne Gist

Enter today by clicking one of the icons below. But hurry, the giveaway ends on November 7th. Winner will be announced at Deeanne's Author Chat Facebook Party. Deeanne will be wrapping up the Love on the Line celebration by chatting with friends new and old! So grab your copy of Love on the Line (it's okay if you don't have one yet- you might could win one!) and join Deeanne on the evening of November 8th for a rip roaring book chat, a little trivia and lots of giveaways (books, and Amazon, iTunes & Starbucks gift certificates)!

Don't miss a moment of the fun. RSVP today and tell your friends. Hope to see you on the 8th!

I received a complimentary copy of Love on the Line to facilitate my review. No other compensation was received. For full disclosure, see the sidebar.

In My Next Life . . .

2011-11-02T05:30:00.001-05:00

I want to be a seal!

Watery Wednesday

Hungry Like The Wolf

2011-11-01T05:30:00.001-05:00

Antsy

2011-10-30T05:30:00.001-05:00

For Camera Critters
and Shadow Shot Sunday

What's In Your Wallet?

2011-10-28T05:30:00.001-05:00

Have a great weekend!

Instant Garage Makeover

2011-10-27T05:30:00.000-05:00

My New Mom Cruiser

The place looks fabulous!

Close To Nature

2011-10-26T05:30:00.000-05:00

Wordless Wednesday

Review: Baby, It's Cold Outside

2011-10-25T05:30:00.006-05:00

Since she lost her only son in World War II, Dottie Morgan has had no desire to celebrate Christmas. But, when she is forced to open her home to four near strangers seeking shelter from a Minnesota blizzard, Dottie finds herself opening her long-closed heart as well.

Susan May Warren's Baby It's Cold Outside (Summerside Press, 2011) is a pure delight. As always, Warren combines likable, well-developed characters with an engrossing story line to produce a book that you just don't want to put down. If Baby, It's Cold Outside doesn't get you into the Christmas spirit and remind you of the true meaning of the season, your grinchiness just might be permanent.

Baby, It’s Cold Outside – warm up with a Kindle Fire from Susan May Warren

Warm up to Chrismtas early this year with Susan May Warren's Baby, It's Cold Outside! To celebrate the release of her new Christmas book with Summerside Press, she and the publisher are giving away a Kindle Fire and hosting an early Christmas Party on Facebook!

Read what the reviewers are saying here.

One festive winner will receive:

A brand new Kindle Fire

Baby, It's Cold Outside by Susan May Warren

Enter today by clicking one of the icons below. Giveaway ends on 10/26!

But, wait there’s more! Join Susan May Warren on 10/27 for merriment and a few early Christmas presents at her Baby, It's Cold Outside Christmas party! Grab your Christmas sweaters, socks and pj’s and join Susan and a few friends for a fireside chat about her recent books (Heiress & Baby, It’s Cold Outside), holiday traditions, favorite Christmas recipes, a trivia contest and more! Invite your friends and don’t miss the fun!

RSVP here and we'll see you on October 27th at 5 PM PST / 8 PM EST!

I received a complimentary copy of Baby, It's Cold Outside to facilitate my review. No other compensation was received. For full disclosure, see the sidebar.

What I Thought

2011-10-24T05:30:00.001-05:00

Baby Puppy: "Mom, what's cosmic surgery?"

What I Said: "Honey, I think you mean cosmetic surgery."

What I Thought: "It's when you have your head surgically removed from Uranus."

Have a great week!

Another Proud Mothering Moment

2011-10-23T05:30:00.002-05:00

Last week, Baby Puppy and her classmates took a field trip to our regional hospital to learn all kinds of neat stuff about health and . . . stuff. Anyway, it must have been pretty cool because Baby Puppy was just bursting to tell me all about it when I picked her up from school.

"Mom, mom, guess what! They took this light thing that shows germs and shined it on our hands, and guess what? I had more germs on me than anyone else in the whole class!"

Sure hope I have room on the mantel for my "Mother of the Year" trophy . . .

The Final Frontier

2011-10-21T05:30:00.001-05:00

I have absolutely had it! I have asked you nicely a thousand times. I have sent you to your room. I have taken away your most favorite computer game. I have even spanked you. Tell me, husband of mine, what will it take to get you to put your damned dirty dishes in the dishwasher?

Fiction in 55 words for my G-Man!

Time Waits For No Eight Year Old

2011-10-20T05:30:00.001-05:00

As soon as I picked Baby Puppy up from school, we rushed home so I could rush her through her snack, rush her through her homework and mandatory daily reading, and rush her to swimming class. At some point mid-rush, Baby Puppy realized that she wasn't going to get a chance to play her new Sims game, and she burst into tears.

"There's never enough time!"

I wanted to collapse in the floor and weep with her.

Honestly, what has the world come to when an eight year old feels like she never has time to play? And, if my activity-limited child feels this way, how do more heavily scheduled children feel?

Any thoughts?

A Slice Of Life

2011-10-19T05:30:00.001-05:00

Everybody gets a piece?

Save The Ta-Tas!

2011-10-18T05:30:00.000-05:00

October is Breast Cancer Awareness Month

Our World Tuesday

A Customer And Her Service

2011-10-17T05:30:00.000-05:00

Dear Target,

As a shopper who burns thousands of dollars and hours of her life in your store, I have a request. Please, please, add cup holders to your shopping carts! Every week, I face the daunting task of driving a 300 pound shopping cart while juggling a Grande Pumpkin Spice Latte, and it's putting a terrible strain on my credit card wielding hand.

Thank you for your prompt attention to this matter.

Mama Zen

P.S.

After this concept proves successful, I would love to meet with you and discuss my ideas about complimentary margaritas and valet parking!

Get A Grip, Lady!

2011-10-16T05:30:00.001-05:00

Sweatpants and hoodies are waaay cheaper, anyway.

Anybody else want to smack this woman?

Review: Reclaiming Lily

2011-10-15T05:30:00.001-05:00

Dr. Kai Chang has overcome incredible odds to finally be able to reclaim the younger sister that she was forced to abandon at a Chinese orphanage years before. Gloria Powell is facing incredible challenges as she struggles to help the daughter she adopted in China years ago navigate her increasingly troubled teen years. Can these two women bridge their differences to help the girl they both love so much?

Patti Lacy's Reclaiming Lily (Bethany House, 2011) is marvelous. The characters are well-developed (I particularly loved Kai). The plot is well-thought out. And, the ending is guaranteed to have you reaching for a hankie. A tale of love and faith that spans cultures and continents, Reclaiming Lily touches the heart.

Win a Kindle Touch from Patti Lacy!

Patti Lacy is celebrating the release of her latest book, Reclaiming Lily, with a KindleTouch Giveaway, blog tour and FB Book Chat Party!

Follow the blog tour and read the reviews!

Patti and her publisher, Bethany House, are giving away a Reclaiming Lily prize package worth over $150 to one lucky winner!!!!

Enter the Reclaiming Lily Giveaway and you could win:

A brand new just released KindleTouch with Wi-Fi

$25 gift cetificate to Amazon.com

But, wait there’s more!

Enter today by clicking one of the icons below. Giveaway ends on 10/19! Patti will be announcing the winner of the Reclaiming Lily Giveaway at her Party on Facebook October 20th! She’ll be hosting a book club chat of Reclaiming Lily (it's okay if you haven't read it - you could win a copy!) and giving away other fun prizes! (signed copies of her books and gift certificates to Amazon.com, Starbucks, & iTunes!). Don’t miss the fun at Patti’s FB Author Page on 10/20/11 at 5pm PST ( 6 pm MST, 7 pm CST, & 8 pm EST)! RSVP today!

I received a complimentary copy of Reclaiming Lily to facilitate my review. No other compensation was received. For full disclosure, see the sidebar.

In The Mammography Suite . . .

2011-10-14T05:30:00.001-05:00

Nurse (as she is mashing my boob into the mammography machine): "Trust me, this is the freakiest thing you'll have to do all day."

Me: "Wanna bet?"

Get those mammograms, ladies!

Around The Block . . .

2011-10-13T05:30:00.001-05:00

Every time Baby Puppy and I drive home from somewhere, she begs me to go around the block one extra time so that she can finish listening to her favorite song. That sounds so much like something I would have asked for when I was a kid that I usually give in and do it. Honestly, I wouldn't even really mind, but . . . this is her favorite song:

Let me tell you, friends; you can go around the block or right over the edge, but you're not getting that out of your head for a while!

A LITTLE Magic

2011-10-12T05:30:00.000-05:00

Getting tomato blooms in October . . .

A LOT of magic would be actually getting tomatoes!

Wordful Wednesday

Status Update

2011-10-11T05:30:00.000-05:00

Bat shit crazy.

What's up with you guys?

First To Fall?

2011-10-10T05:30:00.000-05:00

Macro Monday

The Other Side Of The Tracks

2011-10-09T10:21:00.002-05:00

I'm over at Objets D'art today. Come on over!

Review: Love And Marriage Perspectives

2011-10-07T05:30:00.000-05:00

In Love and Marriage Perspectives: Strategies and Skills to Consider in Building a Successful, Lasting Marriage (Outskirts Press, 2011), counselor and ordained minister Vince Vincents presents his approach to selecting a spouse and building a lasting, healthy marriage. Vincents covers a variety of topics, such as gender roles, the importance of effective communication, and sexual exclusivity and enjoyment.

Love and Marriage Perspectives is a book without a clear target audience. The content (largely commonsense in nature, but with a definite conservative Christian bent) is far too basic for professionals. The presentation is simply too boring for a lay audience to stick with the book for long. As a result, I just can't recommend Love and Marriage Perspectives for either group.

I received a complimentary copy of Love and Marriage Perspectives to facilitate my review. No other compensation was received. For full disclosure, see the sidebar.

Photography In The Wild

2011-10-06T05:30:00.001-05:00

As Fall Break begins, the young engage in a strange and fantastic ritual known as The Karaoke Happy Dance.

The mothers of these youngsters are also known to engage in celebratory behaviors. Their antics, however, are too graphic to be presented here.