Aphrodisiac

"What was it," he asked. "What kept things so hot between us when we were dating? Was it the expensive dinners? The dancing? Back in the day, you could barely keep your hands off of me. So, what was it? What did I do then that I don't do now?"

"You went home," she replied.

A Friday 55 (fiction in exactly 55 words) for my G-Man!

Dona Nobis Pacem

The Very Picture Of Suffering

Baby Puppy insisted that the poor dog be outfitted properly for Halloween. According to her, he enjoys it.

However, judging by the great steaming pile of revenge he left on my carpet, I think that he was less than thrilled!

When I Don't Get My Coffee . . .

(Daddy Zen and Mama Zombie)

It ain't pretty!

Bobbin' And Weavin'

She bobs! She weaves! And, that poor kid couldn't lay a glove on her.

Also, please note the elusive species Mother reflected in the mirror. A rare capture!

How I Became The Patron Saint Of Halloween

Just before Halloween, my very bestest ghoul-friend treated me to an award:

Thank you, Shay! May your treat bag runneth over!

As for my treat, it comes with a trick attached. I must now share seven trivial things about myself. Since everything about me is pretty trivial, I decided to tell you how I became the patron saint of Halloween in just seven days.

Sunday before Halloween - Realizing that it would be impolite to send Baby Puppy to the church Fall Festival dressed as the devil (duh!), I ask Daddy Zen to pick up one of those cheap headbands with kitty ears. He returns with $50 worth of skanky kitty wear. Fortunately, you can use eyeliner to draw nifty kitty cat whiskers.

Monday before Halloween - At 3 in the afternoon, I receive a note from Baby Puppy's teacher informing me that she is required to be at school early the next morning to perform in the never before mentioned Halloween showcase. Baby Puppy has the starring role of bat; could I possibly get some sort of bat wings together? Why, yes, let me just Martha Stewart some bat wings out of my ass!

Tuesday before Halloween - Never before mentioned Halloween showcase featuring my Baby Puppy wearing the last ungodly expensive pair of 24 inch bat wings in town.

Wednesday before Halloween - Pumpkin carving for science with Baby Puppy's first grade class. Did you know that a pumpkin contains 515 seeds? I do, because my group of kids had to count them. Did you know that some first graders will wail like a banshee when asked to touch pumpkin guts? I do, because some did.

Thursday before Halloween - Tomorrow is Wear Halloween Pajamas to School Day! That makes today Watch Every Mother In Town Try To Find Presentable Pajamas For Her Children Day!

Friday before Halloween - For us, it's Trick or Treat night. Tomorrow night is our university's homecoming football game, so Halloween got bumped to tonight. That's fine, except . . .

Halloween - Prior to the city wide Halloween reschedule, I agreed to go to a friend's party and trick or treating festivities in the next town. So, more pumpkin carving, more costume wearing, more trick or treating!

Whew! It's finally over! Hey, that better not be a Christmas decoration I see!

Boo!

Have a safe and happy Halloween!